Happy 21st, Justin!

BRITNEY SPEARS ANNOUNCES SPECIAL GUEST NICKI MINAJ TO JOIN THE HIGHLY ANTICIPATED ALL FEMALE FEMME FATALE TOUR

Pop music trendsetter Britney Spears, who has continually captivated crowds around the world with her live music events, today confirms special guest Nicki Minaj will join the Femme Fatale touring event of the summer.  The all female line-up includes Jessie and the Toy Boys and Nervo on every tour stop.  Spears has prepared an extraordinary show in support of the North American tour that begins on June 16th in Sacramento at the Power Balance Pavilion.   Tickets for select markets go on sale beginning April 30th at Ticketmaster.com and LiveNation.com.

“This is the Femme Fatale tour and I’m thrilled to have Nicki Minaj, Jessie and the Toy Boys, and Nervo join me and get everyone on the dance floor,” said Spears. “Can’t wait to take the Femme Fatales on the road.” 

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'FEMME FATALE' DEBUTS NO. 1

BRITNEY SPEARS'
NEW ALBUM 'FEMME FATALE'
DEBUTS NO. 1

SPEARS IS THE FIRST FEMALE EVER TO HAVE
SIX NUMBER ONE ALBUM DEBUTS

New York, NY - This week Britney Spears triumphs with her newest album Femme Fatale (Jive Records) bowing at No. 1 on U.S. albums charts. The chart-topping entry makes Spears the first female ever to have six No.1 album debuts, and marks the second biggest album debut of the year. The album also debuts at No. 1 in Canada, Australia and Korea and enters in the Top 10 in 15 other countries.

The release of Femme Fatale follows the recent video premiere of the apocalyptic club thumper and Top 10 hit, "Till The World Ends" on VEVO. The video is currently on heavy rotation on MTV, MTV Hits, MTV Tres and VH-1.

Additionally, Spears is earning accolades with Femme Fatale: Rolling Stone magazine gave the album 4 out 5 stars and claims that “Femme Fatale may be Britney’s best album…”. The Associated Press adds, “Spears once again sizzles, and her flame burns as bright as ever,” and People magazine raves, “One of the best start-to-finish albums of her career...”

Femme Fatale is executive produced by longtime collaborators Max Martin and Dr. Luke. The iconic superstar, Britney Spears has sold nearly 70 million albums worldwide to date with her previous releases...Baby One More Time (1999); Oops!... I Did It Again (2000); Britney (2001); In The Zone (2003);Blackout (2007); Circus (2008).

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I'm Asleeeeep For You

I'm joking, I'm joking, so sit on a Cool Ranch Cheeto (do they make that???) and spare your CAPS LOCK key.

In her recent performances on Good Morning America and Jimmy Kimmel Live!, Brit Brit Spears moved like her feet were stuck in a giant pot of Velveeta grits that Daddy Spears forgot to stir. Hard grit feet is what I like to call it. But in the first of two videos for "Till the World Ends" (which is a prequel, sequel or somethingquel to "I'm A Slave For Chu"), Brit Brit actually dances like her limbs aren't made of frozen Slim Jims. Yes, I'm playing nice, but only because every time I pour a cup of cuntilizer on the Louisiana trailer park weed flower, a Starbucks barista drops a spit ball into my Venti Frapp. Contrary to what's written on the men's bathroom wall of the Walt Whitman rest stop on the NJ Turnpike, I can only swallow so many random person spit balls in one sitting.

Just like in "I'm A Slave For You," a bunch of lubed up, greased down hot dancers thump their bodies like they've got imaginary defibrillator pads pressed against their chests while Brit Brit whips her weave around. But instead of taking place in an abandoned Thai whorehouse, this shit goes down in John Travolta's underground end-of-the-world Scientology bunker (complete with black leather and Crisco-covered man nipples). This video would make so much more sense if it was John Travolta in that red catsuit bumpin' his crotch in the middle of a bunch of caramel dipped Twinkies. Maybe Brit is saving that for the second version.

And Ke$ha DID have to co-write this song. I swear, that Garbage Pail Puta is like a herp wart on my ear drums. The more I try to scratch it out, the bigger and oozier it gets.

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